Geez?

The muscle in my thigh is starting to show signs of being zapped.
Its sore especially when I put a load on it, like cycling.
In the morning I feel strong and get up out of the saddle and power into work but in the afternoon I crash.  I haven't cycled to my afternoon appointments as it would sap too much energy so the ride is restricted to mornings. I take the train with my bike in the afternoon.


I nod off with fatigue. Can hardly read a magazine.  I get a second wind and a strange attraction to an alcoholic beverage. A couple of beers is a treat.  A white wine keeps me off the Shiraz. You know its a mild addiction.  Life would seem so plain without the evening sip.  Why is that so?  And is it the call of the Tumor? Like a beautiful Mermaid calling me to my destruction.  


There is no denying the scale of the cancer industry. It is a life and death operation. I see people daily in various stages of recovery.  I read other blogs of people going through the challenge of breast removal, chemotherapy and palliative care.  The choices we make are significant. From little things other things grow. So my decision to drink a glass of wine or not takes on different proportions. This moment seems significant.  I feel different. Less tolerant,  less sentimental, less attached.  This part of my life looms.  How do I navigate the second part of my life.  How do I find peace within?  My mind has an answer to that  question.  I have made a habit which I pray I keep to sit quietly with that question and allow my heart an opportunity to respond.


Peace